Top Ten: Beauty Pet Peeves

17 Aug

Happy hump day, readers! You’re halfway there!

As you may be able to tell already, I’m a highly opinionated lady. This has gotten me into trouble in the past, but I think that it’s better to have strong feelings about things than go through life feeling blasé about everything. Clearly, I’m passionate about beauty products and grooming, but there are some things that I could go through life without seeing ever again.

Pamela Anderson, bad lipliner

#10. Pam - I get what you're trying to do, but... picture courtesy of pixiwoo.blogspot.com

10. Dark lipliner, light lipstick

I think this trend that has died in most places but still fights to hang on where I live, like some sort of horrifying endangered animal. It seems to be, at long last, on its way out as it was ‘cool’ here 20 years ago. Our friend Pamela Anderson here isn’t even going to the extreme that I see regularly – dark brown lipliner with beige frosted lipstick. This is a failed trick to make your lips look bigger than they actually are. If that’s what you want, try this instead. Use a color lipstick that’s close in color to your lip, a liner that is SLIGHTLY darker, and carefully line just outside the lip – don’t go to the extreme that Pam did. If you need to use a heavy hand on the liner, keep it to the middle third of your bottom lip. Add some clear lipgloss to the middle of your lip and done! (You could highlight the cupid’s bow, or that little v in the middle of your upper lip, if you like.) Bigger looking lips. Or try a plumping gloss. I’ve had the best results with FusionBeauty Lip Fusion and InFATuation – go for a natural, glitter-free shade!

9. French manicures and pedicures

On fake nails in particular, this one is wearing thin. (Premiere nail bloggers, like Scrangie and AllLacqueredUp, despair about this frequently.) I’m not talking about funky Frenches, I’m referring to seriously unnatural-looking manicures that are supposed to look natural. Just use the French manicure pink or beige shade (like my favorite, OPI Bubble Bath) without a white line! Not only is it very pretty and flattering, it’s cheaper than the French – that white line costs extra if you’re paying to get your nails done.

8. Oompa Loompa tans

Tanning is bad for you. I understand why people tan, and I’ve been guilty of it (I’m just so frustratingly pale!), but luckily (maybe), spray tanning was invented for this reason. It wasn’t invented  to turn orange. Be judicious with self bronzing. If your teeth look scarily white against your skin and you’re ruining clothing with spray tan, you may have gone too far. If you want to naturally turn orange, eat a lot of carrots! This may take some time, but it honestly does work.

7. Bad highlights

Deena Cortese from the Jersey Shore, awful highlights

#7. Deena from the Jersey Shore and her questionable highlights, picture courtesy of wetpaint.com

I see these more often than I care to admit. It’s especially disheartening when girls with dark brown hair ask for thin, blonde highlights. Kind of zebra stripey, and definitely fake-looking. Dark hair is so beautiful (and usually quite thick, which I envy)! Enhance it with a gloss treatment instead of highlights. If you actually want to be blonde, go blonde! Stop trying to have your cake and eat it too.

6. The Jersey Shore “blowout”

I covered this in my men’s product article. Just no.

5. Too much cologne or perfume

You may have noticed that older women in particular can have a problem with wearing too much perfume – did you know as you age, your olfactory glands weaken? But if your nose is in fine condition, please don’t choke me with cologne on the bus in the morning, especially if it comes from a spray can (AXE, anyone?). Two spritzes should do it.

4. Paisley eyebrows

Unfortunately, Google could not provide me with a picture for demonstration purposes, but you may know what I’m talking about already. It’s an extremely skinnily-tailed eyebrow with a highly-rounded arch (also skinny) that grows into a wide teardrop shape close to the nose. It’s hard to fix eyebrows that are unruly or have been overly tweezed. It definitely takes a lot of patience. It could also potentially benefit from items like Peter Thomas Roth Brows to Die For or Latisse (prescription product!), which Fergie uses on her brows.

3. Mismatched foundation

Though it is close to the top of the list, I understand how hard it is to find a foundation. I have a lot of trouble matching my skin tone to products, especially with the lighting that stores use (Sephora, I’m looking at you). A lot of department store makeup artists and the like aren’t necessarily good at helping either – I’ve bought a few products that salespeople have picked out for me, gotten home, and been sorely disappointed. I recommend going to the MAC counter for this one – they have a great range of foundations and concealers, and their artists are more than qualified to help. Or, if you’ve found one that you kind of like but think you could do better, check out Temptalia‘s Foundation Matrix. It’s highly extensive and can help you find your shade.

Chipped manicure

#2. This is an intentionally chipped manicure - um, aren't the chips supposed to come from the bottom? Photo courtesy of stylelist.com

2. Chipped manicures – or worse, pedicures

I understand that chipped manicures are sometimes a fashion statement. I don’t think they say anything particularly fashionable, but I suppose that’s up to the wearer. People even pay for pre-chipped manicures. Try a crackle topcoat if you want an unusual look. But chipped polish on toes? Feet kind of freak me out, and unkempt feet are even scarier. This is why I don’t post pedicure pictures. (I know people out there who have serious podiaphobia (fear of feet!), so why make it worse for them?) Since feet and toes are kind of strange as it is, why would I want to see them with a shoddy pedicure? I feel like naked toenails are almost as bad.

1. Clipping your nails in public

Everyone who knows me is aware of how much I love New York. BUT ATTENTION, NEW YORKERS. STOP CLIPPING YOUR FINGERNAILS ON THE SUBWAY. Are you even serious? You’re using a nail clipper and you’re just letting little parts of your body fly all over the place? You shouldn’t be allowed to have a Metrocard. Please do this in the privacy of your own home. Or at least clip your nails into a plastic bag. AT LEAST.

Okay, everyone! What do you think of my pet peeves? Are they reasonable or am I crazy…or do you feel like “both” is the right answer? Let me know in the comments – and I’d love to hear what your beauty pet peeves are!

6 Responses to “Top Ten: Beauty Pet Peeves”

  1. Monique August 20, 2011 at 9:55 AM #

    Eyelid tape so often gets unstuck, and makes the wearer look like she had an unfortunate surgery.

    Using a manicure as an excuse to not work!

  2. Monique August 20, 2011 at 10:02 AM #

    I also really hate paisley eyebrows. If you’re going to have weird brows and outlined lips, at least go full-on cholita! Thin those brows throughly!

  3. allie September 18, 2011 at 10:56 PM #

    While this was INSANELY informative, it was also hilarious. I laughed at the nail clippings part because it makes me want to die. Speaking of….I’ve tried Brows to Die For and it didn’t really work for me, but I might not have used it long enough…I’m impatient

    • makeup maestra September 18, 2011 at 11:02 PM #

      hey allie! i’m glad you liked this post! :) i, too, crave instant results in my life. probably why i don’t have a six pack. just go for latisse, or just fill them in with pencil or powder :) let’s hang out soon!

  4. Derek Bixby October 4, 2011 at 10:06 AM #

    Your posts are quite entertaining! I may not know much about the subject matter (yet), but they’ve kind of become one of the things I look at during work for a break.

    8. A friend of mine tried a spray on tan that she won and it didn’t turn out so well. I’m ashamed to say that I made quite a few oompa loomp jingles up at her expense (she thought they were pretty funny too though).

    6. I was going to comment on this in the “Real men wear moisturizer” post, but forgot. The blowout is horrible. This seems like a 1950′s relic that should be reserved for a decade dance, not daily life.

    1. If I had a dollar for all of the nasty things I’ve seen on the subway in NYC, I’d likely be able to put all of the performers in Union Square in mansions. This is pretty far up there though…

    • makeup maestra October 5, 2011 at 11:44 PM #

      i’m glad you are digging the posts, derek!

      i’ve never tried a spray on tan…i think i’m too pale for them to look even remotely real. where i live, most people have them and they don’t mind looking orange!

      yeah, the subway can be pretty gross – but also entertaining. my favorite thing that i witnessed on the train recently is that a pigeon got on at one stop, hung out for a little while, and got off several stops later like it was commuting. it was a very impressive pigeon.

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